Sarcasm: Because beating someone in the face with a shovel is illegal.

Nothing like a visit from an out of town friend to point out how little I actually know about the city I live in.

Eating dessert, skipping class, and having sex all have one thing in common. Once the idea crosses your mind it's almost impossible not to do it, and if someone else says it out loud, it's 100% going to happen.

People sometimes say they're as useless as a white crayon or pencil. Well, some of us just prefer using black paper...

If the infinite worlds theory is true, in some universe, There is a company named Tubs that manufacture buckets of rainbow vomit.

I don't like you people.

I'm 99.9% he doesn't like me, but it's the 0.01% that keeps me hoping.

I wonder what the applications for reality TV look like...do you drink to excess? Check. Promiscuous? Check. Lack of ambition? Check. Are you a douche? Check. Do you possess no real value to society? Check. Well have I got the job for you...

That moment when you're walking down the hallway in school when a kid in a lower grade bumps into you and insults you, thinking that you're younger than them because you are really short. And then you get really mad. Well, i know how you feel...-P

When something smells bad, I keep wanting to smell it again to make sure it's bad.

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