23 Awful One-Liners to Text Your Enemies


There will always be enough puns to go around.


  1. Yesterday a clown held the door open for me. I thought it was a nice jester.
  2. There was once a cross-eyed teacher who couldn't control his pupils.
  3. The cat took up computer lessons in hopes of mastering its grip on a mouse.
  4. Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I'll show you A-flat minor.
  5. I used to like Russian dolls until I realised they were full of themselves!
  6. If you give some managers an inch they think they're a ruler.
  7. To the guy who invented Zero: Thanks for nothing!
  8. The magician got so mad he pulled his hare out.
  9. The best way to stop a charging bull is to take away his credit card.
  10. A circus lion won't eat clowns because they taste funny.
  11. Mr. Mushroom could never understand why he wasn't looked on as a real fun guy.
  12. Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
  13. It wasn't school John disliked it was just the principal of it.
  14. He drove his expensive car into a tree and found out how the Mercedes bends.
  15. I can't believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.
  16. I couldn't work out how to fasten my seatbelt. Then it clicked.
  17. I used to be a tap dancer until I fell in the sink.
  18. Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy.
  19. I've been to the dentist several times so I know the drill.
  20. I could not pull out of my parking space, so I used my back up plan.
  21. Don't drink with ghosts; they can't handle their boos.
  22. With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.
  23. A cardboard belt would be a waist of paper.

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